He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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