also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
