omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
