So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
