I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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