I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
