If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize