$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
