no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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