I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize