i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Never joke about your clitoris.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
