i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
