I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
