I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
