Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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