Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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