i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Holy shit dude........stairs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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