I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
