i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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