The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
