girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
