So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
