i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
