stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
