Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
