no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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