She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
