i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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