My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
