so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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