im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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