I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
