Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
