i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
