do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
