So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
