time to smoke my breakfast
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
