You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
