I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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