swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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