alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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