Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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