Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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