All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were trust falling into bushes
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
