Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
