i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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