Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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