there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
