I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
