My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
