You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
