Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
