I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
