her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
