I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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