a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
