Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
