Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
