it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
