U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
