Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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