my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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