i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
