Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
