when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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