Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I supernannyed him into submission
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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