Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
