there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Boobs are out for the taking
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
