I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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