I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize