I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
