His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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