I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
