girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't put those talents on a resume
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
